i cannot explain myself

i cannot explain myself. 
for pity’s sake and drained my health. 
straining eyes to ascertain the cliff’s. edge,
overstepped and then i slipped. a bit, yet
still lived through all the things that hit me as a kid. 
nothing stuck, and yet, it did. internalized, alive and sick. 
widened gyre, fire-stick. i don’t know where i’m going. this
journey begins again, again. 
i stop, stare at the sun, it sets. 
ideas in mind that i tried to forget. 

(un)surprisingly this hide and seek game.
turned into a rather bleak thing.
mastered crafts in shadows blinking. 
never found, i swear this town is rearranging. 
speak in tongue, a secret deepening. 
dream of some thing, then seen it this evening. 
creeps and freaks and other friends in legion. 
barrel down from mountainous regions. 

allowed and proud, yet mouths unspeaking. 
i speak for them, they hunt for me, then.